Let the rest take care of itself

October 2, 2023

I have glipses of a feeling of comfort, security, happiness that come and quickly pass. 

After this sentence, my next three journal pages are filled with a conversation between me and "him." In That's an Eye Roll, I talk about how I started doing parts work, where I have conversations with myself. This is one of them. "Him" being the one who doesn’t allow feelings of comfort, security, and happiness to remain. "He" says that "bad things can happen" and "we have to prepare for what might come next." In these pages, I negotiate with myself to let the worry come and go while allowing the comfort and happiness to stay. I even went so far as to let "him" list all the concerns. After this, "he" stated, "written down, they don't look that bad." Then, I promised to keep making "worry lists" every time something came up, which feels like a never-ending task that leaves little time to focus on happiness.

While reading Mo Gawdat's book "Solve for Happy," I found a powerful quote: "At its most basic, the brain's core task is to ensure the safety and survival of your body." It's hard to grasp that the voice inside your head is not entirely you; it's just a part of you, or as the book suggests, not you. Regardless, it’s an organ, and like all organs in your body, it has a primary function. By viewing the brain's primary role as simply keeping you alive, much like the heart's primary function, I can see the dialogue in my head as my brain's way of preparing me for disaster, which is a valuable tool. And I now know why it likes to focus on the negative. When was the last time a sunny, warm spring day hurt me?

Yes, I have to prepare for tomorrow's disaster, but I can also enjoy the sunlight and warm weather today instead of ignoring them because of my preparations for tomorrow.

And although I tell myself this repeatedly, I still find that when I take a deep breath of warm spring air and think, "This day is amazing!" it is still followed by, "Wait! Don't relax yet. It may all fall apart tomorrow!" Gawdat advises, "We believe we need a solution for our unhappiness to go away, but often the reason why we're unhappy isn't justified. [...] Remove the unhappy thought, replace it with a happy one, and let the rest take care of itself." In short, I need to stop letting "him" guide my focus. I control what "he" focuses on.

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