Connection

I'm not starting this post with an old journal entry like I usually do with most others. I'm also publishing it on the day I write it instead of reviewing it multiple times before posting, which is new for me. The other post published today, "Schedule," was written on August 11th. I wrote this before reviewing that one. I had forgotten all about that post, and I'm amazed at the connection between these two.

The spark that created this post is from the cover of People Magazine. It features a celebrity I don't know, saying, "I finally feel that I'm enough." 

This got me thinking about how many things I do, and others do, are aimed at gaining the approval of others. Furthermore, I began to consider how gaining approval is essentially a means of connecting with others. This is what has stuck with me all morning since reading that cover. Many of the things that I do are things that I believe will connect me with others. Think of the masks I wear. These are ways for me to fit in with the groups I'm around; wearing them makes me feel like I can connect with those around me better. This I've learned to be false, but that was the goal. The posts I've made about tying my worth to productivity. That is another way to gain approval from others, to allow me to feel connected to them.

Here is where I'm going with this. I believe my soul wants to connect to others, and my mind is trying to figure out how to do that, in its intellectual, ego-centric way. It's trying to connect with people as if it were a problem to solve. The question, "How can I best connect with the people around me?"

But is this a problem to solve?

I believe that our souls are naturally connected. They are interconnected with each other and with the world around us. One of many books explaining this belief is Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience. Therefore, if that is true, then there is no problem to solve. We are already connected. But our minds love being individuals. It believes we are separate from others and maintains that separation by constantly thinking. At least that is how my mind works. Therefore, it is easy to overlook the fact that we are naturally connected.

The drama triangle, as described in the book The Power of TED, suggests that if you continually focus on the problem, you will only see the problem. Once that problem is solved, another will arise. The mind loves this. It's a way to stay busy and feel important. The empowerment dynamic, from the same book, suggests that focusing on what you care about and the outcome you want to achieve will yield the lasting result you are looking for. So, if I focus my mind on feeling the connection to others, as well as to nature, instead of trying to solve the problem of not feeling connected, then I should find the connection I am looking for. (Especially since it already exists.)

Why did I feel it was important to write about this today? I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I still struggle with meeting others' expectations of me. Even after being out of the workforce for two years, I feel the need to fulfill others' expectations about how I spend my time. This post was an attempt to connect that desire with a larger desire to feel connected to something greater than myself. Previously, I saw my desire for others' approval as a distraction from finding a deeper connection, but now I'm wondering if it's the same goal, just achieved ineffectively. So, instead of setting aside my desire to meet someone else's expectations, I wonder what will happen if I see that desire as a desire to be connected to this person. Focusing on connecting with the person rather than seeking their approval to connect with them gives me more options on how to make the connection. Options equal freedom of choice in how I do that. Which relieves me from trying to fit into their box. Wow. There is something there.

[24]