What did I lose?

"Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life."

— Anne Roiphe

July 19, 2023

I want to ask {one of the company Presidents} why I was removed from the Incoming Executive Team so suddenly.

I was searching for why I was being kicked out of their car. What about me led them to make this decision? I felt helpless and that everyone knew something I didn't. I was struggling to figure out how I could figure out what they were hiding from me. I was focused squarely on me, what I did, what I didn't do, what I was doing. What if I had looked outside of me? At what others were doing and saying? What could I have learned?

A co-worker said, "This is immature management, not how you treat people." Could it be that simple? Did a group of executives make a strategic decision with little input from others, resulting in a poor personnel decision? There is clear evidence to support this. Making quick decisions with limited input reduces the chances of success, something I've been reading about for a year. The information they used to make this decision was confined to their limited knowledge of who I was, what I stood for, and what the company needed in a CFO. They couldn't see things from my perspective, including who I really am, what I truly stand for, and what I was actually doing for the company as the CFO. The decision wasn't based on me but rather on who they thought I was.

But I can't blame them. I spent years creating the person I was at work: my perfect-Meggan-mask. It works hard, never cuts corners, never cries or gets emotional, gives the perfect advice, is always harder on herself than others, and always cares about the right things to care about.

Who am I really? What do I truly stand for? I never took off the mask to show them or myself.

What did I lose? My grip on that perfect-Meggan-mask. Now, I can start to learn who is beneath it.

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