Be happy

September 8, 2023

Be happier now. Worry, frustration, etc. This is working against [being] better. Therefore, we will never be better.

If you want better, have it now.

I am fine. I will be fine. I am strong.

Be happy.

The mind is powerful and can be harmful. If I were reading this in someone else’s journal, I might assume they were experiencing depression. However, I don’t believe I was depressed, and I have never been diagnosed with depression. My mind was constantly preoccupied with worry about something—anything, really. When one issue was resolved, I would just find another to be concerned about. This entry did show glimpses of reprieve from this worry, but I was still far from seeing it. It wasn't until October of 2024 that I realized I couldn't think my way out of thinking too much. As mentioned in my last post, The Power of Now has been an insightful, maybe even life-changing, book. I wrote that the mind constantly thinks about the past and the future. It finds problems that it wants to solve but never does. It just ruminates, never getting to a solution. I noted that I constantly lived in a cloud of problems. It constrained me. It wouldn't let me be happy.

Here, I'm just forcing myself to BE HAPPY. Stop what you are doing and just be. I am now learning to focus on other parts of the body, anything except the mind. Use the senses to feel, taste, hear, see, etc. Experience those experiences from those senses, not through the mind's filter. Learning to do this has started to open the constraints. Lessen the clouds. I feel I have more options, opportunities, choices, and freedom. Freedom is something I keep telling myself and others that I have, but I haven't felt it until recently, and even now, it is fleeting. 

Feel the keys on the keyboard, feel my fingers as fingers, feel them from within my body, stop thinking, and be present. Be happy.

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