Are roles the same as masks?

11-4-23

If you are overly protective, then kids never learn from mistakes, never look back on the "stupid" stuff they did.

I wrote this at a time when I was thinking about my roles in life. One major role for me right now is my role as a Mom. In another entry, I tried to describe the "perfect mom". I wrote that she is protective, responsible, and focuses completely on her kids. That is a pretty high standard and one that is hard to achieve when you take time for personal growth. How can I be both completely focused on my kids and do what is necessary to grow myself? Also, how does it allow time for all the other roles I play in my life?

I'm starting to wonder if roles are masks. Am I trying to create separation between how I act as a mom and as a wife, a daughter, a student, a human being? And in that separation, show up as a perfect version of that role? Hmm. It sounds like I am, and it also sounds like I shouldn't. 

So, with that in mind, I am practicing not blocking my time into separate categories like work, family, etc. Instead, I have time and I spend it on what I want to do. This blends the roles and reduces the time I have to think about how I will show up for each part of my day. It means I can't prepare a mask; I just show up as I am.

This past week, I went paddleboarding with my kids in the morning. I then came home, showered quickly, and showed up for a call with the nonprofit I work with. When I arrived, I was relaxed, thoughtful, and clear. Had I postponed doing what I wanted to do to prepare for the call, I probably would have regretted how I spent my time and caused myself stress, which could have affected the call. Instead, what actually showed up was the relaxing time I spent on the lake with my kids. My old way of thinking was to schedule my days in a way that separated work days from fun and relaxation days, because I thought this would help me appear more professional. In reality, it caused unnecessary stress, sometimes making me look stressed-out and unprofessional—backfiring on what I was trying to achieve. By listening to what I want and need, I can better support how I show up wherever I am.

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